"Dance is the art of freedom."
Staner Camargo
I - What does dance have to do with Family Law?
Family is made up of relationships, ideally conscious relationships.
More than educating the generations that come after us, we will be the example.
If we can be the example of healthy, happy relationships, where there is connection, love, and affection, more than words, it would already be a beautiful legacy.
Sometimes we get lost in theoretical knowledge, in excess of words, in thoughts, and forget to feel. We prioritize the mind over the body. And often the answer lies in our body. We simply weren't taught to listen to it, observe it, give it priority.
I learned more about relationships in Forró than in university. We don't just learn from books. We learn when we feel. We learn when we open ourselves to the experience to enrich ourselves with it and learn a little more about ourselves and consequently about the other.
As today is World Dance Day and has brought so much to my life, especially in recent years, I decided to share what Forró has taught me, beyond the steps.
II - The taste of freedom through dance
Following the previous text in which I questioned if we are truly free, I believe that despite still being very attached to beliefs, fears, traumas that limit us, there are, I believe, spaces, moments in which we can experience the taste of freedom. And it is this taste, this pleasure that will make us evolve in the search for more internal freedom.
Forró is, for me, one of those spaces: of internal freedom.
Forró came to me in a small community of artists in Lagoa do Paraíso, in Brazil. Back in Portugal, I wanted to explore more about the sensations that came from there. I learned in practice, in the relationship with the other. Allowing oneself to be open, with humility, to learn, to receive.
For months I went to Forró dances alone, without knowing anyone, without exchanging a word. Just to dance, listen to the music, and feel. I always came home happy, nourished, and with a good feeling in my body. I felt, I feel free.
III - The origin of Forró
The word Forró originates from the word "forróbodó," which, in turn, is an adaptation of the French word "faux-bourdon." "Faux-bourdon" can have two meanings: (i) a musical harmonization technique of dissonance and (ii) male bees whose only function is mating.
The forróbodós were popular parties with great animation and creativity. In Portugal, it is said to be linked to the Count of Farrabo for organizing eccentric and lavish parties in his palaces.
As an artistic and cultural expression, it was born with Luiz Gonzaga in northeastern Brazil and became popular in 1950.
Last year, Forró was considered intangible cultural heritage and registered as a manifestation of national culture in Brazil.
In any of these approaches, there are some common denominators: celebration, joy, connection, movement... and freedom.
IV - Teachings about relationships
I share, in summary, the teachings that this dance has brought to my life - it may, in some way, be valuable to more people.
Communication without words is more authentic and fluid.
Communication with words always comes with some "filter." Many times we express ourselves moved by emotions, beliefs, and wounds recorded in our unconscious, which often does not correspond to the truth of what we truly want to express.
Other times, when we have gained some awareness and communication tools, we express ourselves using our mind and rationality to describe what is really happening inside us. However, it will always be the result of a thought filtered by reason.
Communication through art, in this case dance, is a communication that comes directly from within; we express our feelings "live," without filters.
Thus, what happens in a dance is genuine, it is the energy of two bodies communicating. It is, therefore, a more authentic and fluid communication.
2. We can connect with any human being through a hug.
We often seek connection in our relationships. Other times we complain about the lack of it without being able to find it. It's hard to put into words what connection is. Perhaps it is a meeting of souls.
Connection (from Latin "connectare," i.e. to bind together, to tie to each other) occurs when there is a union of two beings. The easiest way to connect with the other is through a hug, where the two hearts come together. The initial position in Forró is the hug. It is from the hug that the dance for two is built.
I add at this point the importance of being present, in that dance and in that hug. For me, Forró represents a meditation (active) or a mindfulness that is easily accessible. Sometimes in meditation, we get lost in thoughts, and that's why many people can't meditate. In Forró, just close your eyes, feel the music, and feel the hug. We can hardly think of anything else. We are held only in the present moment, in the movement between the two bodies. The more present we are, the more we surrender to that moment, the greater the feeling of pleasure.
3. Leading is not controlling and following is not surrendering.
In Forró, there is a "leader" (usually, but not necessarily, the Man) and a "follower" (usually, the Woman). One leads, the other follows, without hierarchy, without domination, without power struggle.
Many times in relationships, especially in romantic relationships, there is this power struggle. Both want to lead in some way.
It is so beautiful to see in dance the pleasure of Women in allowing themselves to be led by the Man. Many tired of the weight of the Super-Women's cape that commands everything at home. Similarly, it is beautiful to see Men leading with such fluidity when they are not in competition.
I learned in Forró, very clearly, that leading is not controlling, it is only indicating the way, setting the tone. In fact, in dance, the boundaries are set by the Woman, with subtlety and lovingness.
Likewise, following is not surrendering, it is building together, listening to what the other brings. Although there is a "leader" and a "follower," it is a creative process for two, in which both contribute in their own way, actively.
If we could bring a little of this dynamic into our romantic relationships, many conflicts could be avoided. We would have much more pleasure in the dynamics of two in which each, freely, contributes, respecting and also giving space to the other.
4. The body also speaks. And not everything is within the realm of reason.
Related to point 1 - communication through the body - it is important for us to learn to read and listen to our body. Often, the answers come through it.
In dance, we easily perceive how the energy of the two bodies interacts. There are dances where the body flows, the connection is immediate, we feel lightness in the body and "stick" to the other. There are others that take more time, where perhaps more than one dance is needed to feel connection and fluidity, there are others where we feel our body resisting more, the steps don't fit. And that's okay because that's the nature of everything.
And this is proof that the body expresses itself, communicates, feels, and gives us answers. It is a tool that we can take into life. When we have doubts at the level of the mind, of thought, it will be enough to bring attention to the body and perceive how it moves in the various possible scenarios, and we will have the answer.
5. We are more than two. We do not belong to anyone, we belong to a whole.
We live in a society very attached to stereotypes, and especially in our Portuguese culture, we live a little closed in our "bubble", in our relationships.
At a forró dance, it is difficult to ascertain if there are couples in a relationship. Everyone dances with everyone. Everyone sticks their body to another and moves with proximity. And with each dance, the pairs change.
We do not belong to one person, it is not even supposed to dance with only one person. I recognized in myself, through forró, how much our beliefs limit us in terms of social interaction.
It initially cost me to realize that I could be body and soul in a dance, with its sensuality, with a Man, free of preconceptions, without that moment being more than what it is, a dance.
I started to see it as an emotional training of "going" and "coming back", of "going" towards the other and returning to myself. It is a training that takes its time but is extremely effective later in the relationships we have in our lives.
We just have to be aware of how far we can go to be able to return to ourselves, centered. And once again, our body gives us signs.
6. Sensitivity, sensuality, and sexuality.
One of the "preconceptions" I referred to in the previous point is one of the most repressive. We generally associate sensuality as a previous moment and/or indicator of sexual interest.
I believe it is one of the biggest differences between Portuguese and Brazilian culture, generally more open.
These are three distinct concepts that may or may not be associated. It would be a topic that would give rise to an autonomous dissertation, and about which I would have to study more to speak with more authority, but I did not want to fail to bring them to this text because they are also related to dance, namely to forró.
Any form of artistic expression requires sensitivity, the art of feeling, of perceiving through the senses. Dance also requires sensitivity, to perceive the other, to create something together.
Sensuality is linked to pleasure, to the movement of the body, to the interaction between two people. It may naturally arouse sexual interest or not. However, the free expression of sensuality is something that creates energy and stimulates pleasurable bodily sensations and as such is positive.
7. Less is more.
One of the teachings that life has brought me, through various experiences and dynamics, is that less is more. We live in a society where everything is very excessive, and we end up living at the extremes of "up & down".
I have learned, with some difficulty, to appreciate the beauty of the median, of nothingness, of emptiness, of silence, of simple things. To be with a person does not require a great program, to run you do not need super tennis shoes, to go out it is only necessary to walk.
In forró, it is only necessary for one more person and music/a column. And, with just this, we can have a moment of pleasure that nourishes us, where we are connected to the other, where we embrace, move our bodies, and stimulate good energy. Knowing a few steps helps, but I would say it is the least important.
To nurture a relationship, it does not take much, perhaps the less words, less gadgets, fewer expectations, the more will be the feeling, the connection, and the closeness.
8. Artistic expression as a couple as a stimulus for joy and well-being.
Several studies already show that artistic expression reduces cortisol levels and stimulates the release of dopamine promoting the feeling of joy and well-being, reducing stress levels.
Pair dancing, especially in forró, is a creative expression for two with these same effects - you feel in a forró dance a joy that hangs in the air, reflected in the smiles of those who dance with soul.
Also, in relationships, we can create together and express that creation as a duo. We have the power to create whatever we want.
"Every Human is an artist. The dream of your life is to make beautiful art.” - Dom Miguel Ruiz.
Sandra Soares Abrantes
Lawyer & Therapist
(+351) 911167954
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